April 20, 2025 — Alameda, CA — Following a 12 months of intensive testing and analysis, the upstart cat duo “Tedsley” (a.ok.a. Teddy and Wesley the Cats) have introduced the beautiful outcomes of their new Grief Reduction Protocol, demonstrating a number of unconventional however now confirmed pathways to hoomin pleasure, following the lack of a beloved feline buddy.
“We created the Shock and Paw Mission to check and develop our new protocol within the wild–in an precise residence setting and on a hoomin topic (“Mummah”),” stated co-researcher Wesley “Brown Boots” Dionne. “We centered on bringing to bear an overwhelming stage of cuteness that we believed might penetrate any depth of grief,” he added.
“Overwhelming cuteness can and infrequently happens spontaneously, particularly with Cat City cats,” defined co-researcher Teddy “White Socks” Dionne. “Nonetheless, given what number of hoomins undergo from grief, we noticed an pressing must develop a proper and foolproof Grief Reduction Protocol.”
The central premise of this groundbreaking protocol is that no quantity of negativity can endure within the face of unrelenting, overwhelming, and considerably ridiculous ranges of cuteness. Tedsley has recognized three novel ways that, utilized together, have the facility to create the mandatory magnitude of cuteness: